Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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