ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
