If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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