Are we in a gay sports bar?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
