wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
