Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
