those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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