that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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