Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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