in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
