You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
