Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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