All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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