I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
