I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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