My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
