help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just forgot I was standing up.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
