Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
