If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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