after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
