toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so let's talk penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize