True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
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I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
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I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
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