i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
