So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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