I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
