made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
