A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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