So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
