is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
