His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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