At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
