Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Enjoy the penises
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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