Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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