Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
