He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
