He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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