my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
