His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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