I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
