and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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