your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
