I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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