just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
