you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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