yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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