so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
