the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
