My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
