Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
