even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She needs sedatives and a leash
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
