So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
