I think I died a long time ago.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
