Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
