Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
