I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
