Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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