Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
