I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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