Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
