They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
