just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Randomize
