i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
