I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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