Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
